Part 3! Post-coital!
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Hinata lay there, watching Kageyama sleep. He looked so content with himself. He was smiling, maybe even smirking in his sleep. Occasionally he would mumble something, but Hinata couldn’t figure out what he was saying. It was probably about volleyball. He had been awake for just over a half hour, and it was still light outside. The Alpha was still naked, with only his lower half covered by a blanket. He seemed to almost glow with pride. Hinata didn’t know if Alphas felt something after sex, and was this Kageyamas first time? ‘I guess im not a virgin anymore’ Hinata smirked to himself. Virginity.. he had heard of Omegas being forced into their first time, either by their parents, their mates, or by out of control Alphas. It wasn’t uncommon for an Omega to be ‘stolen’ by an Alpha. Hinata was lucky to have Kageyama, and he was lucky his pack was so understanding and protective of him.
Hinata reached over and touched Kageyamas skin, pressing his palm on his chest, and moving it down to his stomach. Kageyama purred but he didn’t wake. His skin was very warm against Hinatas, which felt weird. Hinata was used to being the one who was hot, and clinging to others for their cool body temperature. His heat was satiated for the moment, but it would build back up over the next day. By morning he would be praying for relief once again, and Kageyama might not be here to help. It would be nice if Kageyama would be able to come over more often, if even just to hold him. Most times either his mom had to rub his back for a while each night or Hinata became Touch starved by the end of his heat, and having your mother touch you while your begging to be fucked isn’t exactly the most positive bonding moment. And Hinata hated feeling Touch starved, it made him feel cold and depressed.
Hinatas hand slid from Kageyamas skin to his own belly. After earlier, would it start growing now? Would he carry a child now, Kageyamas child? They had been caught up in the moment, and forgone the protection they needed. With Kageyama being an Alpha and Hinata being in heat.. the chances of him conceiving was… really high. Math in school didn’t stick to Hinata well, but in all likely there was now a Kagehina baby growing inside him. And he should be happy, right?
Rolling over so he was facing away from his mate, Hinata curled his legs to his chest. One hand still pressed to his belly, feeling for any changes. Would he be able to tell? Would his heat continue? He felt so clear headed right now, was that a sign? He didn’t feel any immediate changes; his belly wasn’t stiff or protruding. He didn’t feel any cramping…. But he wasn’t even sure if that was what he had to look for. He had no idea what to feel right now, but it shouldn’t be guilt.
He felt so guilty. He was guilty for not wanting this baby, not right now. He didn’t want to be pregnant, not if it meant he couldn’t play volleyball. He loved his team, his pack. He wanted to play with them and face off against Nekoma again. He wanted to show Kenma his new spike, he wanted to go toe to toe with Inuoka again! He couldn’t be pregnant! How could he be so stupid!
Clutching his stomach, Hinata let out a small involuntary sob. He hadn’t realized how upset he was, and winced when a salty tear slid across his face. He sat up, and looked over at Kageyama, who was still peacefully sleeping. Hinata let out a sad laugh. The Alpha could afford to sleep peacefully. His whole life wasn’t balancing on a few cells. His life would continue whether or not this child existed.
Feeling the collar, Hinata stood up and walked to the bathroom. His life wasn’t over if he was pregnant, he could have the kid and still finish school. Surely his parents would help out and the Pack, but while he was pregnant, he wouldn’t be able to play.. and he was a terrible person for even considering that! How could he compare a child, to playing volleyball? It should be no contest, but it wasn’t.
Leaning against the wall, Hinata pushed his hair back, and looked in the mirror. Upon seeing himself he grimaced. He looked a mess. His face was covered in drool, he had dried blood down his neck. He touched the Mark, it wasn’t complete, but it hurt. It might scar, but it wouldn’t Bond the two of them. There weren’t enough contact points. It looks like the collar did its job at least. Kageyama definitely had gone for it. Turning around Hinata looked into the full-length mirror on the back of the door. Tear tracks were making their way down his face as he looked at his body. He was covered in bruises and right red nip marks. He hadn’t thought Kageyama had been rough with him, but his body was telling a different tale.
His calves had hand print bruises, and various other bruises up to his outer thigh. His inner thighs were black. Red bite marks covered the top to his left thigh, making it hard to even stand up straight. They were so sensitive, and they would take a while to heal. They stuck out, bright red against his pale skin, or even the dark bruise they topped. Other than the pain the nips were harmless. Marks from Alphas took so long to heal, something about properties in their saliva.. Hinata didn’t know. But they hurt, and they would for a while.
Hinata covered his mouth to stifle any sound that came from his mouth as he looked over the damage. His body did not look okay. He did not look okay. He did not look like a person who had just been with his mate. He looked like he had just taken a beating, and what made it worse was that he had consented to this. He had asked, he had begged for this. Each of these bruises had been asked for. He wanted Kageyama to do these things to him. He could remember the fevered sensation of each of these bites, the shiver they sent up his spine, the warmth that blossomed from each one, until they overtook his willpower. Now each one hurt just to touch. It scared him, how differently things felt without the haze of a Heat. Would he be in love with these marks in a few hours?
Hinata reached up hesitantly to touch the bite mark on his neck but jumped when the doornob jostled. “Hinata?” the door cracked open slowly. Hinata quickly pushed the door closed, locking it. He didn’t want Kageyama to see him, not like this, not crying, not.. looking like this.
The door slam threw Kageyama off. He woke up to an empty bed, and now a door slammed in his face?! “What the hell” he growled, trying to shoulder the door open. The door didn’t budge the first time, so he tried again. This was not the way Hinata should be acting after earlier.
Hinata backed away from the door, clamping both of his hands over his mouth. If he didn’t he would reveal he was crying, and that would just piss off Kageyama. He wanted to tell him to stop, to leave him alone, to go home, but he couldn’t even speak. He tried breathing through his nose, but it was only making him lightheaded. He backed up until he was pressed against the other wall, each thump on the door making his heart stop. He lost control of his breathing and gasped for air, a half sob escaping as he slid to the ground, the cold tile chilling his bare skin.
Just as Kageyama heard the doorframe crack he heard the boy inside, and something didn’t sound right. He stopped, and tried the handle again, still locked. “Shoyo?” he called softly, pushing his hand into his hair. He looked at the doorframe. What the hell did he do? Breaking down a door? He needed to calm down. He walked back to the bed and paced for a moment before he grabbed a water bottle for himself and one for Hinata.
“I have water. Open up. I wont try and come in” he said and waited for a moment. Silence. “unlock the door, I wont come in” he tried again. The door lock clicked and opened just enough for the bottle to slide in before closing again. Kageyama sighed.
Hinata sat with his back against the door, and opened the water bottle, downing it in a few gulps. His throat was so dry. He opened the door and slid the empty bottle out. A second bottle was by the door opening, and he brought that inside.
He wiped his nose with toilet paper and blew his nose quietly. He didn’t want to reveal he had been crying. He wasn’t weak, and he didn’t want Kageyama to know how awful he was for how he felt about the child. How could he tell the father of his child that he didn’t want it because he wanted to play volleyball? How would he even tell Kageyama about the child?! Hinata touched his bare belly. If something was here, what would he tell his parents? Or the Pack? Would they kick him out of the Pack if he couldn’t play on the team? Would he be kicked out of his Pack?! Hinatas eyes widened and he felt his body run cold. He didn’t want to be kicked out of the Pack! Everyone there meant so much to him! They were his family! They were his everything.. if he didn’t have Suga and Daichi and Noya and.. even Tsuki.. then Hinata would feel completely alone, even with Kageyama and their child at his side. Without a pack he would feel… secluded.. Being tossed to the side, when he finally found a great Pack.. it was a nightmare.
Hinata felt a surge of anxiety, something foreign to him up until now. He felt his chest tighten, he couldn’t breath, his vision was becoming black around the edges. He was losing it. He couldn’t hide that he was crying anymore. At the thought of losing his Pack he began hyperventilating, coughing and sobbing. He felt like vomiting. He felt his world spinning. Everything was changing, everything was closing in on him. He clutched at his chest, trying to get some air into his lungs, but he couldn’t catch a steady breath in between sobs. His family, his Pack, his Mate, he was letting all of them down, they would all hate him!
The next thing he felt was cold on his back. Something really cold. It was freezing! He tried moving away but he was held in place by something.
Kageyama had heard the Omega, and called him to see if he was okay. When he didn’t answer he pushed the door open. If he was just crying, then he would have left him to his space until he wanted to come out, but the coughing and erratic breathing, that was dangerous, and Kageyama was interfering before he could stop himself. Hinata didn’t even see him. He found him with unfocused eyes, hyperventilating, leaning on the door with his knees to his chest. Kageyama figured he was having a panic attack, and brought him into the shower to calm him down. It seemed to work, as Hinata was starting to move to get out of the frigid water.
Hinata was back in the outside world. His vison cleared and his breathing slowed. He was shivering from the water, but he was aware at least. Kageyama held the two of them under the cold water for a few more seconds before shutting the water off. “Are you okay?” he asked, looking at the boy in his arms. He was shivering and clutching the Alphas chest. Between the leaving bed and slamming the door and now this panic attack, Kageyama would have been stupid to not notice something was up.
Hinata didn’t say anything at first. He bit his lip and looked up at Kageyama, before looking back down. “i-i…” he paused. He couldn’t tell him like this, not right now, Hinata couldn’t even figure out how to even say it yet. What words did he even use?
“I need some time to think” he said, not making eye contact. How could he say it! How could he when he didn’t even know for sure. It would be another month until he knew for sure, or could even take a test so why stress Kageyama out until then? “I just. I saw my body and all the bruises and it spooked me is all” he said, hoping Kageyama accepted that explanation. “I didn’t like.. I was so surprised by what I saw” It wasn’t a lie, it just wasn’t the most important information right now..
Kageyama kept his arms wrapped around Hinatas body, and looked over the available skin, “Your lips are a bit swollen from all of our kissing” he said. “and your neck-oh shit” he let out a chuckle of embarrassment. “I bit you” he touched the mark, pulling his finger back when Hinata winced. “it didn’t take though, there’s not enough contact” he frowned a bit. “does it hurt?”
Hinata nodded. “When I touch it yea” he said. “They all hurt..”
“All the little nips. They’re so red, and they hurt. I don’t know how im going to practice with them” he said, pushing against Kageyama to lean back and show the marks he was talking about. They trailed down his torso, with more towards his lower stomach.
They looked like a constellation of stars, red contrasted against a milky white sky. Kageyama thought the marks were beautiful, staking his claim on that body. He felt pride swell up in his chest at the sight, and Hinata didn’t feel the same thing? He was marked by his Alpha, and he was complaining?
Kageyama leaned down and touched one, making Hinata jump. “Sorry” he grumbled, before leaning down and licking one of the marks on his chest. Maybe licking it would help with the pain? Or at least help them heal faster? Hinata didn’t jump that time. “Did that feel better?” he asked, but Hinata covered Kageyamas mouth.
“don’t do that! I told you they hurt!” he said and wiped his eyes. It hurt a fucking lot!
Kageyama sighed and moved Hinatas hand. “Im sorry” he said. “I thought it would help. Im new to this ya know” he stood up, helping Hinata stand and pulling him to his chest again. “they look super sexy though, your body, marked with my bites, I can’t help but be happy” he said. Knowing they made him happy should make Hinata appreciate them more. “I gave them to you and only you. Because you are special” he pushed Hinatas hair back and kissed his forehead and his lips. “Do you need to go back to your nest?” he asked. So far, they were standing in a wet shower, naked.
“I-I want to shower first.. with hot water” Hinata said, and tried to escape Kageyamas arms again, but Kageyama held on.
“Then we shower together” he smiled. “Ill wash your back, and you can wash mine” he offered. It was only the logical thing to do next, and after the shower they can pick up where they left off, right back in bed, indulging in one another.
Hinata hesitated and bit his lip. “C-can I start alone?” he asked. “J-just 5 minutes” he could feel the remains from earlier sloshing around inside him, searching for an exit. It would be embarrassing if Kageyama saw it..
Kageyama shook his head and turned on the hot water. He stepped back to let Hinata stand in the water first. Hinata was not looking forwards to the joint shower. He pulled away from Kageyamas touch a bit and reached for the shampoo. He felt Kageyamas hand touch his hip, and he snapped up quickly, moving away from the hand.
“N-no ecchi things in the shower” he stammered. He felt awkward even saying that, especially after earlier. The things he said earlier, made his face heat up. Being in Heat made him very loose with his tongue apparently, and even remembering it made it hard to meet Kageyamas gaze. He felt so self conscious right now, but was that because of the possible baby? Or was it because his heat wasn’t burning right now? Would Kageyama think that he wanted to have sex all the time now?
Only during his heat did Hinata feel any urges like that. The other days he felt fine, he didn’t feel like he needed to have sex. Sometimes he forgot sex was even a thing. It wasn’t a focus in his life right now, volleyball was..
“O-only when I say its okay, okay?” Hinata asked, not sure if Kageyama would even comply. He could very well say no and screw him right here in the shower again. His body would allow it, it was just Hinata who didn’t want to. Hinatas eyes searched all of Kageyamas, looking for a hint to his reaction, but he wasn’t giving anything away. When his hand reached out to cup Hinatas cheek Hinata flinched a little, but the touch was soft.
“Okay” Kageyama said and kissed his forehead. “I wont force you” he said and smirked. “You’re open enough when you really want it” he purred, and grabbed the shampoo, pouring it on Hinatas head. The boy was still more quiet than Kageyama would have liked “Calm down, relax. Your so stiff, like a scared dog” he teased him, and rubbed his back. “Take a deep breath or your gunna throw up like before a big match”
Hinata took a deep breath and let it out like he was told, and he felt a bit better. He was still focussed on the foreign things in his body, but he managed a small smile. Having his head scrubbed like this felt good too, it sent shivers down his spine. He closed his eyes and hummed as the hot water washed away the soap. The heat felt good, the heat of the shower felt good.
The shower was uneventful, much to Hinatas relief. He hadn’t leaked anything or given away the possible baby. Throughout the shower he had been able to calm down a bit. Kageyama had kept constant Touch with Hinata, rubbing his back, washing his hair, he even gently wiped the blood from his neck. That went along way towards calming him down. A few times Hinata caught himself touching Kageyama, just for the sake of feeling his skin. Kageyama didn’t stop him, he was rather accommodating. He was definitely handling him with kid gloves, but he didn’t really mind it. If it was on the court and Kageyama was being this nice, Hinata would yell at him or call him a weenie, but now, it felt really intimate, without being inherently sexual. Hinata really liked this.
Kageyama wrapped Hinata in a towel and dried his hair, ruffling it into the orange mess it usually is. It tickled. He grabbed the brush and carefully worked a few of the bigger knots out. A few times the brush snagged and Hinata winced.
Afterwards the two proceeded back to Hinatas bed, and just kinda.. lay there.
“What now” Hinata asked, looking up at Kageyama. They were both in shorts and a t-shirt, well rested, low libidos. “wanna watch game footage?”
Kageyama let out a laugh and sat up. “Yea” he reached down for a water bottle, moving the plastic bag out of the way. Kageyama lifted the bag onto the bed and looked at its contents. There was still 3 of the 4 pairs of shorts, and the two boxes of condoms, unopened. Why he got two he had no idea, so far they had only done it once.
Hinata had hopped off the bed and over to the tv, popping in the game footage from Nekomas match last week. Kenma had sent it to him, and he had only watched it 3 times so far. He rewound it to the beginning and turned to grab pillows from the bed to sit on. He wasn’t sure about Kageyama, but his butt was still sore. He contemplated over which pillows he could slide from the nest.
“Shoyo” Kageyamas voice sounded cheery, almost excited. Hinata looked over at the Alpha and felt his stomach drop. Kageyama had the unopened boxes in his hand.. did that mean.. he knew?
“96%” Kageyama muttered. “Shoyo im sorry” he said, but he didn’t look sorry. Before Kageyama could hide it, Hinata saw the smile that covered his face. Kageyama was happy about this?!
Kageyama stood up, and walked to Hinata, crouching to be face level with his belly. “can you tell yet?” he asked, lifting the t-shirt and touching the soft skin. It was still as smooth and flat as before, with red nips all over the skin.
Hinata took a step back, pulling the t-shirt down to cover his belly. “no, I can’t” he said. “it might not even be…” he paused. “96%?” Kageyama had said that a moment ago, was that the chance that he conceived? Then it was all but confirmed. He felt his belly and looked over at Kageyama who had stood up. “I wont know until I take a test, or if my next heat doesn’t come” he looked up at him. He was still smiling like an idiot. “im glad your so happy about this” he said with frown. Kageyama kept trying to touch him, and he kept backing away until his back was pressed against the wall. Kageyama moved with him, and pressed his lips to Hinatas as he touched his belly. “you’re carrying my child” he purred. “Aren’t you happy?”
Hinata looked up at him, his face scrunched. Did Kageyama not realize what this meant?! Hinata felt his eyes sting. Kageyama wasn’t helping at all! How could he tell Kageyama he wasn’t happy! The Alpha was wearing this stupidly happy grin, it just multiplied the guilt in Hinata. He shook his head, covering his mouth. He felt like he was going to cry again. He was the worst kind of person, and now Kageyama was going to find out.
“you’re not happy?” Kageyama asked, confused. How could he not be happy? “if its about your parents.. ill talk to them. Ill take responsibility, im not going to leave you to do this on your own” he said, but Hinata shook his head again. “I can’t help you if you don’t speak!” Kageyama growled. “If your worried about people thinking things because you aren’t Marked, then take off the collar and ill do it.” he touched the collar. “this baby is a good thing” he brushed Hinatas hair back, and wiped his eyes. He should have allayed all of Hinatas fears at this point, so he should be happy.
The guilt mixed with anger inside Hinata. Kageyama didn’t understand at all. He didn’t understand what this meant, what had to change, what he wanted or didn’t want.
“I can’t…” he moved his hand away from his mouth and wiped his eyes. “I can’t play volleyball if im pregnant” he said, his voice cracking as he looked away. “I can’t play volleyball if im Marked. I can’t play with you or Noya or Tanaka anymore and I don’t want that! I don’t want to not be part of everyone anymore” he slid down the wall, pressing his clenched fists to his temples. “I don’t want to not be able to play anymore! I want to jump and run and fall and spike and cheer. I don’t want to be pregnant right now, not when I just found everyone, I don’t want to leave the pack or be secluded to my room anymore!” his chest heaved as he yelled, he felt like he was losing it and making Kageyama hate him. He was so selfish. “im sorry” he sniffled.
Kageyama didn’t crouch down to comfort Hinata. He didn’t try and calm the little Omega. He didn’t even try and refute what he said. Kageyama stood and looked at Hinata for what felt like hours, before leaving the room.
Hinata wasn’t sure what he wanted Kageyama to do, but it wasn’t leave! He didn’t want the male to just take off, and leave him here all alone! But that’s what happened. The front door slammed, and Hinata cringed. Kageyama was mad. Hinatas chest felt tight. He didn’t want to be wrong in how he felt. They were supposed to use protection! Why didn’t Kageyama use them! Why, it could have been so simple, why was it so messed up!
Hinata sniffled and leaned against the wall. He had a few more hours until he was in agony again, so he would go for a run.
He felt lifeless, he didn’t feel springy and filled with boundless energy. Hinata didn’t even really want to go for a run, he just.. he needed to do something, he needed to run until his legs hurt, he needed to run until he was wheezing, so any part other than his heart hurt.